You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Never underestimate the power of titties
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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