I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
