Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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