I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
