Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
