wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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