So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
