we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just want to make out with him forever
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
