I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
