I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
