Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
