So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
