Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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