Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
