Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
