I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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