I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
