You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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