i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
