What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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