I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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