Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
