Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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