I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
operation harelip BJ is a go
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
