the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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