did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
