I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
