dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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