the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
