Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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