I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
