A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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