So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
