I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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