spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Drake has all the answers
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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