So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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