Define "chronic" masturbator.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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