I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
