his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
