The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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