worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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