Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
