1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
