what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
