Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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