the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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