it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
