Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
