i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
