how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
