literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
